Cinco de Mayo

Happy Birthday Mexico! and Phillip!

What a great day its been today. I have probably had one of the greatest days in a long time today, thanks to my great friend Phillip, today was his birthday so we went and played a round of golf and then played some tennis. I also got to have dinner with him and Anita and their lovely daughters. Its been great.

Well I hope everyone elses day has been great also, I am quite tired and have a vicious farmers tan.

muchos contento.

Opportunities

What a great day. sunny 86 degrees and I am quite possibly tuckered out from playing one of the most futile games of tennis with Adam in a long time. Im quite sure my skill level has most likely dropped since playing out there with him.

On the upside I am looking forward to moving in with Adam and Ben, I think it would be excellent to have some Christians guys like them to keep me accountable and all around just keep me in line. Its been stressful moving back to Charlotte and although it has been nice to be able to be back with my family I did feel like it was a bit of a step backwards moving back in with my parents. So I am quite excited about living with these guys both of them have already been such a great impact in my life through our small group. And Im really excited to see how my relationship with Christ will grow with being surrounded by these great guys and these new opportunities put in front of me.

waiting...

so Im sitting here waiting for Jennica to phone me back and was reading through blogs when I thought to myself, maybe I should start posting in my own site again. so here I am.

So whats new for me?

non-good things.

Im stressed with finals and school and Degree programs and transfer options and of course the Squadron has to put pressure on me about a new tracking program to follow all the training requirements needed to deploy and recur to stay current in the Squadron.
and I have a test in Mythology class tomorrow morning that I'm not so keen on.

good things.

Jennica continues to be a great support in my life in challenging me when it comes to my shortcomings and issues that I have in my heart.
Phillip McCart has re-instilled a passion I once had for tennis in me. I now feel the urge to play the game with whomever will put up with me.
Elevation is continuing to blow my mind and challenge me to continually grow closer to Christ.

and that is that.

"Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put." - Winston Churchill

“I am doing a great work, and cannot come down!”

“The laborers carried on their work with one hand supporting their load and one hand holding a weapon.” Nehemiah 4 : 17

For weeks now Ive been struggling with my convictions, my heart, and my identity in Christ. Sadly I see now being a Christian most certainly does not mean I will have it all together…in fact as I read my bible it seems that God allows extreme hardship in the face of His people, and in a bizarre way He seems to always call the most unlikely people to do His Work . I have been reading in my bible most recently on Nehemiah and this guy had quite a calling on his life. And yet Ive learned from his story that this guy did not pray little quaint prayers, I mean he prayed to bring the wrath down on his enemies, he was bold, and when the surrounding big shot governors wanted to have a meeting with him, he blew them off saying that what he was doing right now was way too important. Wow. It seems like although in the short time I have been a Christian I must maintain my fire for Him…Ive got to keep one hand on the “great work” and the other hand has got to be grasping a sword..spiritually speaking. From my perspective, I see a lot of people allow their failures and even just straight lies from Satan to beat them down spiritually, and allow a distance to form between them and Christ…I cannot go down that road…I wont go down that road! I may be screwed up as a person…riddled with sin and failure, but through Jesus I am a born again Christian! I live in His light! I wont let my past allow me to bring me down, I must keep my eyes on Him, the thought of losing Christ nauseates me. I live in the freedom of Christ, and nothing is better. When Nehemiahs enemies attacked him, when they tried to trap and kill him. He responded by continuing the good work and arming himself. And that’s what must be done, I will continue marching to Christ, pursuing His Calling in my life, and reading his word, to strengthen me spiritually. No matter the uncertainty or the spiritual battles with Satan, I may sin, and I may fall, but I will never give Satan an inch of my heart or allow him to rule me with his lies. After all... I live in the victory of Christ.

“Don’t be afraid of the enemy!! Remember the LORD! Who is great and glorious! And fight for your brothers! Your daughters! Your wives! And your homes!” -Nehemiah

“Never give in, never give in, never; never; never; never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense” - Winston Churchill

on the edge of control

I feel a little out of control, it’s been a weird week for me. I started a new job at the hospital, a lot of running around to be done for that. I do enjoy seeing the patients and being able to work in a hospital again but at the same time it is always a little stressful starting a new job, and then there are my upcoming exams. I just feel exhausted and drained all the time, and it feels as if I have to fight and battle to hear from God, I have also struggled to pick up and read my bible this week. It’s weird, like I’m in a funk or something. But Rob at small group made a point that made sense to me, maybe God can let me go on my own, God doesn’t need to hold my hand anymore. I am His child and he now is allowing me to walk on my own.

Perhaps it is not all easy and fun Sundays when you are a christian. So I have been reading through the two books of Samuel, I really like David. He wasn’t perfect and he messed up a lot. He was chased by the Philistines and Saul’s army. He lived in caves and struggled emotionally. But for all that was wrong with David he loved God and God cared for him. I take comfort in the fact that no matter how rough a week I may have and no matter how much I mess up or whether I am encircled by my enemies, my Lord will save me, he is perfect, and he will not let me go.

“we will not be the last, we will not be the lost.”

we look so good...but looks can be deceiving

Yet another week and I’m here. Feeling reinvigorated by King’s message today, he is an excellent speaker. I am familiar with the David and Goliath story but his closest men I didn’t know much about. I am quite impressed at how God orchestrates the plans he sets in motion. It amazes me how little I know of what I thought was my “religion.” But God is so much deeper than religion and tradition. I always thought the prophets, kings, men and women God called to set his plans out had it all together, that they had no problems and they had their lives set perfectly together. But God seems to pick those most unlikely to do something amazing to do something…well amazing. The thought of David depressed I had never really given thought to, but in the light of Kings message it actually makes so much sense. To be hunted by his own and by the enemy that will be a major tax on your mind and body. What a position to be in.

In light of what I have learned today, I have really been looking at myself and who I am as a person. I know I need Jesus, that is fact and truth and that will never change. But then there is the sin, insecurities, and nature of myself to take into consideration. I am sinful by nature, unfortunately I cannot change that, all I can do is try to live a Godly life and do the best I can, okay easier said than done. Insecurities within myself…lay them before the Lord and let him change my attitude, and perception daily through his word. And then the very nature of myself, personal plans, goals, wants, needs. These must change to correlate with Gods purpose in my life. All wonderful solutions to problems within myself. And yet on the other side of the coin I struggle with the fact that I don’t have many Christian friends, in fact I now know that the only “true” Christians I know go to Elevation, sure myself and my old friends called ourselves Christians but our lifestyle is far from it. I love God, but I struggle with the fact that I know God wants me to cut out my old friends, these people are not speaking life into me, the lifestyle I have led is self-destructive and destructive those around me, so in fact together we are pulling ourselves down. I know two years ago we weren’t acting the way we are now, drinking, the parties, sleeping around this is what we have become, and every moment longer in this lifestyle drags me further down into sadness, frustration, and of course emptiness. So this I have all come to realize today. But this past Friday, against my better judgment I went back up to Greensboro where I used to live, to see old friends. But while I was up there I could not relax, sitting there I felt very uncomfortable, I mean me and my old friends are nice people, we don’t go looking for trouble and yet in all this, “oh I’m just looking to have a good time, and enjoy college” I felt convicted in my heart, but I continued to stay. then at one point in the night one of my friends pulled out some durgs (the site censored it out the first time I tried posting it spelt properly, weird), and as they passed it around, I thought to myself “when does it end?” this is me after two years of being around these people, where will I be two years from now with these same people? Will I be satisfied? Perhaps everything will be okay, but where will God be? So as they passed around the durgs I got up and left, it was about 330 in the morning and I was slightly drunk (a very stupid idea on my part) and I got in my car and drove back to Charlotte. I want to be like David, a man who will not compromise, and when I die, I want to be able to tell God that I did go back to my old friends, but instead of them dragging me down…I pulled them up.

“You are no more worthy of His love on your best day than you are on your worst.” - Pastor Steve

Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades

Okay so I grew up in a Christian home, I grew up in a loving family, and my parents were never divorced. I’m so thankful for what God has blessed me with, I cant believe how I let myself think that I was “entitled” to what I had, I cant believe I was so blind to these blessings, a warm bed, a roof over my head, fantastically gracious is my God.

So as a child I wasn’t very interested in church things. And in all honesty it sort of scared me, to see someone so consumed and on fire for God, and I thought, what must I do to be like that. I was a little jealous and I wanted to advance my own selfish ideas and goals for my own life.

But something that Pastor Furtick said that was quite profound to me was that “God saves us all at once, but we change daily.” And suddenly I realized that in order to be Christian I don’t have to be perfect, I just need to love Jesus and walk with him, sure I’m going to mess up but that’s okay, because his saved me. I know this may seem like a simple revelation especially to someone who grew up in the church, but I just didn’t think I knew what God meant when he said he loves me and that he is sending his son to save me. Because my whole Christian walk was based around how I just don’t want to go to hell. And then one day as I was listening to Hillsong’s From the Inside Out my heart was broken and I couldn’t help but cry out. And since then that song has become my anthem as continually/daily Jesus consumes me from the inside out. And my will to survive then became a love for God.

I once heard somewhere (don’t remember from where) that “people don’t respond to love, they respond to action.” And this bothered me, because love is the most powerful action you can take. Look at Jesus, in his love for us, he dies. And his action that he took against his enemies was “forgive them father” he loved them fiercely and he loves me so much he died. I can’t fully grasp this concept it is too much for my selfish mind. All I can do is walk daily with my father and king, and allow him to change me from the inside out. Thank you ALMIGHTY GOD.

- to love you, from the inside out - HS